Nobody's Daughter (Rough Edit)

Not too long ago I became well acquainted with a woman whom I had known for years, but never really connected with. She was the acquaintance that everybody always had some offbeat story about, the one that your friends would call you up about, assuring you that you would not believe what she had done this time. She was also the one that was frequently getting her in trouble with others and sometimes even the law. If there were ever one person to define the phrase “train wreck,” she would be it. Yes, it was not too long ago that I became well acquainted with whom Rolling Stone the “most controversial woman in the history of rock,” Courtney Love.

The first time I heard about Courtney Love, I was a sixteen-year old and sophomore in high school. I was a big Nine Inch Nails fan and I had recently discovered Tori Amos. My best friend had gotten me into both of these artists, and it was clear she had more music to share. I distinctly remember her calling me one night and laughing over a blog entry by Courtney Love she had just read. In the blog, Courtney proclaimed that against all odds she had come to realize that “drugs are bad, and I’m not going to drugs anymore. Unless I want to.” I was completely dumbfounded by this logic. I even found it funny, though I knew she were a recovering heroin addict. That was the nature of my association with Courtney for the next few years.

She was complete and utter comic relief with just a slight hint of pity glazed over it. I could not help myself, however. I was drawn to her controversial character; how could somebody that can barely even sort out her documents from her own grocery list from cause strife with so many people? One of the better examples I can recall is her conflict with Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and Tori Amos. While no one knows exactly what or to what extent things happened, most people have come to the conclusion that Courtney Love got in the middle of some sort of relationship between Tori and Trent, causing the respective artists to write a myriad of biting songs and live performances about how much they hate Courtney and each other. I came to respect her though. While Tori and Trent ranted on about their hatred, Courtney of all people refused to make any comments. She kept the tabloids out of her personal life; as she has said countless times on her Twitter account as of late, “[she] does not kiss and tell.” It still amazes me that two of whom I value to be some of the most intelligent and gifted artists today could end up looking pettier and less “with it” than Courtney Love.

It was not until recently that it finally clicked as to why Courtney has these rare, yet remarkable moments of grace; it is her perseverance. In case you completely missed out on the 90’s, Courtney Love was the late wife of the grunge band Nirvana front man Kurt Cobain. Soon after his suicide, the press exploded with accusations of Courtney killing her husband. Moreover, a myriad of Nirvana fans immediately jumped aboard the classic murderous widow bandwagon, unable to cope with the deal of their rock star. This does not really compute to me. Ask yourselves this: do you really think it is in any way possible that one of the most strung out and incompetent women in the world could execute such a murder? One in which the victim’s fingerprints were all over the suicide note and gun? I think not.

Beyond her ability to survive against the media’s unfair allegations and exploitations, Courtney has demonstrated a lot of strength in her recovery from rampart drug use. Having been spending a lot of time following the promotion of her recent record, “Nobody’s Daughter,” it is like seeing an entirely different person talking during those interviews. She has finally gotten her act together, having gone through much therapy. And what’s more? She looks genuinely happy and is going on her first full-length tour in years with her new band. This demonstrates to me that even if one hits rock bottom, there is always hope for rebound.

I guess it does not really surprise me all that much that I find myself writing a personal narrative talking about Courtney Love. In between her releasing a new record last month with her band Hole and my obsession with grunge music and female singer-songwriters of the 90’s, it made perfect sense. But it isn’t just about my obsession with a music scene. I take things a lot further. Generally, when I find an artist that I really grow to like, it’s because I want to know their perspective. I want to know what it is that they have to offer and impart upon me. Without that, why should I devote so much of my time and money to these artists? In the case of Courtney, I learned how crucial it is to persevere and conquer the day. No matter how many people may get in my way, seek to see me fail, or try and bring me down, I know how necessary it is that I push past them and succeed. I can’t let up, otherwise I’ll fall victim to my enemies.

After her husband’s death, Courtney had to do the same. The tension and violence that makes up her sophomore record “Live Through This” seek to channel all of the frustration and pain that she felt. So when she sings “I want you to go on and take everything, I dare you,” she practically encourages her adversaries to try and bring her down. If I can manage to endure half as well as she has, I know that I have to be doing something right.