I am now the proud father of a bagel. I'm a bagel daddy! Its name is Jimmy! Calvin named it. I am so happy and I am sure that the mother, whichever of the thirty-seven women I am currently married to that used my sperm donation, is equally so.
But despite our shared happiness, it seems that there are some that want to see my parenting go down the shitter. Hell, some fucker even suggested that my bagel's name is Roundy and that it is in fact a bastard child.
Well I'm here to prove everybody wrong. I am going to sing my bagel "Never Go Hungry" every night. It will grow up to be strong and smart. It will kick that fucker's ass. That and singing "Never Go Hungry" will motivate me to never eat my bagel. Even when I'm sitting at Cosmics at 11PM and am hungry (which I actually am not right now- I'm quite bloated)
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