Senior Speech / Valentine's Day

Today's the day I've dreaded for five years. Today, the summation of my high school years comes together for one final, despicable high school graduation requirement: the senior speech.

People have warned me for years not "to make a decision I will regret" regarding my senior speech content. Obviously, they refer to my sexuality. Granted, even though I never had any intention of writing about my sexuality or God forbid COME OUT in my senior speech, it kinda irks me. It almost gives me the impression that the best I've done in my high school experience is had an alternative, predetermined lifestyle. I don't think that's what my high school experiences amount to. I do, however, think that my sexuality has made a good portion of who I am today and that I need not pretend that it isn't important. Clearly it's important. But is it necessary to stand up in front of a room of six hundred people and declare my attraction to the same-sex? Is it even necessary to remind me it's unnecessary? I suppose contextually, it would simply be a poor decision. I go to an all-male, Catholic, military academy with obvious conservative leanings, both politically and socially. On the other hand, my graduating class of 2010 couldn't care less that I'm gay; they either know and don't care or simply haven't picked up on it. That, to me, is the best way I could have it. I mean, sure, I would probably be safe in assuming that all of my classmates are heterosexual. But even if one of them weren't, is it really my business to know either way? No, it's not. Similarly, it's not really anybody else's business to know my sexuality.

But there is and always has been the question- what if I were to simply hint at my sexuality? What if I were to build up the suspense of possibly coming out only to reveal something else? My father hated this idea. In fact, he begged me to reconsider this. I thought this reason enough to go through with it. Making people uncomfortable isn't foreign to me. Making people uncomfortable with pressing social ideas and concepts is almost talking my language. Therein lies another question- if indeed I were to do this, how would I go about fulfilling the time length requirement? I can't just dance around revealing something for three minutes straight- that would drive me and the audience up a wall. Clearly, I need to talk about something else and segue into my "big announcement."

That's why I'm writing this blog, for the most part. Carleton's SWP program taught me that if I write about anything- anything- before what I actually need to write that I will find it much easier. In that sense, general writing I guess is like working out before a game. That's what I'm doing right now; I'm preparing to show that hypothetical pen (in this case, my keyboard) who's boss.

On a completely different note, I am absolutely hungover. Yes, I drank half a bottle of wine last night. Oops. Chandra invited me over and made me dinner (which was fantastic) and we watched Van Wilder Freshman Year, 17 Again, and Good Luck Chuck. Good Luck Chuck was pretty heinous. I didn't get home until around 2AM and didn't wake up until about ten hours later, which is actually a lot of sleep for me. And now here I am, hungover and trying to cram all of my classwork into my day off. God I am an idiot sometimes.

I have the rest of the weekend to blog about too, but I'll save that for later when my brain isn't screaming.