Give: While I'm certain that this is the track I'd start the record with, I can't help but think three things the entire way through: 1. The cheesy eighties synth, 2. The godawful lyrics, and 3. IT'S TOO DAMN LONG. But, it does provide a slick, Portishead vibe that I can definitely dig. The vocal performance is superb. C-
Welcome to England: Up until she revealed that the song was about taxes, I thought very little of this track other than feeling it was a cheap imitation of "a sorta fairytale" and the entire "To Venus and Back" record mashed into one; Scarlet's Walk to England and Back, if you will. But, looking past the mediocre chorus and some cheap moves, "England" is a familiar tune with some strong moments. B-
Strong Black Vine: The strings just flat out don't work. The Hammond, on the other hand, absolutely does. "Vine" is a confusing mess that seems to only hold my interest for short circuits of time. At the end of the day, it just does not work. D+
Flavor: If only all of "To Venus and Back" could have been this captivating! "Flavor" is beautiful, reserved, and spacey. Seemingly coming straight off of a Massive Attack record, this track is gorgeous. The electronics are incredibly complimentary. A-
Not Dying Today: Inoffensive at best. Lucky, the bridge seems so intentionally campy that I have trouble complaining about this little weed. Moving on... C-
Maybe California: It's really unfortunate that Tori is generally incapable of being sincere while avoiding cheese these days. I'm not sure if it's strings, the lyrics, or what, but I cannot get into this one. Nonetheless, the piano is pretty enough and I can appreciate that, being paired with the sincerity of the track. C
Curtain Call: Just in time to completely eradicate any ill feelings that "Maybe California" left me, "Curtain Call" is easily the most audacious song of her career since at least 2002. Even more impressive is that Mac Aladdin's guitar actually COMPLIMENTS the track. The lyrics are sincere, bitter, but above all heartbreaking. The production, much to contrary belief, is perfect. A
Fire to Your Plain: And back we return to camp land. Like "Not Dying Today," "Fire" manages to stay inoffensive, at worst in this case. The track is a refreshing nineties-esque pop song, serving as a nice, uplifting breather between "Curtain Call" and the tracks to come. B
Police Me: This is where things get beyond ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous for Tori Amos. Whether it be the completely arbitrary lyrics, unusual pronunciations (i.e. "soldy-urz", "poleesh yo-self," "kway-shtun"), or just downright silliness, I've somehow come to the conclusion I immensely enjoy this track. ?
That Guy: Stunning vocals, great arrangement, and overally mezmerizing, but oh man do those lyrics suck hard. "Do we make up or break up?" Oh please. B
Abnormally Attracted to Sin: Dark, coasty, and definitely a keeper. The lyrics are even good! A wonderful bridge between the first half and second half of the record. A
500 Miles: It's camptastic, utter bullshit, and resulted in hundreds of enraged fans. Perfect! The bridge is beautiful, as is the rest of the song (sans Mac Aladdin's atrocious guitar rock out). No, it's not a great track. But it's immensely enjoyable and I can't help but laugh at "grab your phone / get your suitcase / there's no time to waste / a big adventure awaits!" A
Mary Jane: On the other hand, this one is a piece of crap. I'm sorry Tori, no, I don't find marijuana that funny. Why on earth should I have to put up with a stupid improv I might laugh at once on a studio record? Just because your piano playing is pretty doesn't mean this track holds much merit. F
Starling: I sorta-kinda fell asleep during this one. I know the lyrics are great, but instrumentally it's not exactly compelling. Let's not forget the bridge that while I don't hate as many seem to, doesn't really fit in anywhere. C-
Fast Horse: I love this one. I don't even mind the silly Maserati reference. The guitar helps this track, the piano isn't completely buried, and the delivery is as strong as ever. This rivals the level of Scarlet A-Sides. A-
Ophelia: Oh Hai Roosterspur Bridge 2! The piano isn't particularly captivating and neither are the lyrics. Oh and uh, Tori, no Sex in the City references. Nope. D+
Lady in Blue: The record ends on the solemn, atmospheric epic that is "Lady in Blue." While I'm not sure I want to sit through this for over seven minutes, it proves its point while bringing back elements from "Pandora's Aquarium" and "Purple People." B
The bottom line: No matter how interesting Tori Amos' work continues to be, nor however excellent the production might be, "Abnormally Attracted to Sin" suffers greatly from trite and/or weak lyrics and from being just too damn long. Granted, she doesn't seem to care much about her lyrics these days and I understand that she would rather overstuff albums than have some of the tracks end up as digital b-sides. That said, I can't ignore these blemishes. C+
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