Hey Mil,

So I'm sitting in a hotel room right now. I've had a bottle of wine and then some. Some 25/26 year old is IMing me about his love problems and about how lonely he is. I'm trying my best to convince him he'll find someone, but I'm not sure he believes me. He seems to feel pretty hopeless, but you never know, maybe he'll feel otherwise if I say just the right thing.

I've been doing better lately. Staying off the boards and keeping myself occupied has helped a lot. I think I should be good to go by the time I move. I'm having an unofficial going away party on Sunday at my new favorite coffee shop. I wish you could be there. It'll be too much fun, and what better way to celebrate it than have one of my favorite people there.

I haven't been able to listen to Tori lately, but now that I'm piss drunk I find myself listening to that live recording of Twinkle on the glory of the 80s single. That's what got us talking in the first place, wasn't it? I can't remember, but I think it was something that had to do with Twinkle. That's the first song that came to me after Jonathan and I broke up. I love it, even if I can't listen to Fori anymore.

I hope all of your studies are going well. Hopefully, after we've both gotten settled into our studies, we can help each other get better at German. I still want to visit and maybe even move there. Promise you'll visit me after I've gotten settled in? We need to hang out.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with any of this, but remember that I've been drinking, so hopefully you'll either forgive me or let it pass.

Three men have tried hitting on me tonight. I already mentioned the third one, who clearly needs some sort of emotional help and isn't at the same place I am, life-wise. The first one was nice, but probably not my type, and the second one actually hung up a skype call with me while he was trying to get me to orgasm. Um, rude much?

I miss your face. You were always the most fun person to talk to online because I felt you always got me. With most of these guys, it's like I have to strain myself to show interest. One of them is adamantly against gay pride and trannies- I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say to something like that. Another one clearly needs help. It puts things into perspective though; if I'm sitting here, drunk maybe, but listening to Twinkle and feeling good enough, and this guy over here is feeling lost and desolate, then I must be doing pretty good, right? I mean, I'm pretty lucky I think. Sure, I get ignored by a lot of guys, but a lot of other guys think I'm really good looking and interesting enough, I guess. Hopefully when I'm older, I'll feel the same way about another guy.

At this point, I've put that recording of Twinkle on repeat, because it's the only thing I can think of. I started listening to Mindless again. I never really got into how big of an impact they were on me because I knew they weren't your type of music, but I gotta say that one of their records was probably the biggest influence on my life. That record did more for me than anything of Tori's. And you know how important Tori's music has been for me emotionally. One day I'd like to show you something of theirs. Maybe you won't want to, but hey, how should I know? I figure it's worth sharing eventually.

I'm sorry I never gave you the space to be mad at me. Whether we'd like it or not, I'm not 30. I wish my age didn't get in the way of all of my friendships, but it ultimately does most of the time. I feel like I've learned a lot from the mistakes I've made though. I know I'm a self-centered prick. I don't think that's changed at all. But I do feel less full of myself. I know how and why I fucked up, and no matter how I dance around the idea, I think I would have fucked up regardless. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry I didn't give you space. And I'm sorry that I let us get to the point where we had higher expectations of each other than we should have. I'll take the blame for all of it.

Thanks for showing me Joanna Newsom. I love her music. I'm still slowly delving into her discography and her lyrics, but I love everything that I've gotten into so far. I really hope that before I leave that I can sit my ass down in front of my turn table and listen to Have One on Me in its entirety while reading along to the lyrics. Everything I've read by her is incredible. Maybe I'll have the money to go see her in New York in November.

Thanks for showing me all of the other music and TV shows too. My mother has become addicted to Weeds and Emily loves Summer Heights High. See, my friends and family don't even really know you and they already love you. How cool is that?

I think you're the only person on earth that gets my cynicism. I think most men are too dense or srz business to really understand it. Thank you for putting up with all of my self-absorbed bullshit. You did it and listened to what I said far longer than anybody else ever did. I'm sorry for sending you a drunken email at two in the morning. I really am. I just don't think I'd say any of this without being under the influence and I think that I probably should get it off my chest in one way or another. On the upside, just think of how you'll never have to deal with me or my bullshit ever again. Pretty cool huh? Win win deal if you ask me.

I'm running out of things to say. Probably a good thing, because the third of the three guys that've been hitting on me finally decided to go to bed and give up on me. But at any rate, I hope everything is going great in Belgrade. I hope Nikola is doing well and that you're still enjoying the singles I sent to you. Like I showed you, I still have more for you, but you'll have to wait until the holiday season for me to send them to. I hope you like those.

So at any rate, I'm sorry I've been a jerk to you these past few months. I'm sorry I overcomplicated your life and I'm sorry I'm sending this email right now. You're still my great friend and I love you dearly. Hope you're well and that everything is and does go great for you.

Farewell Milenko,

with love,
Robert Gavin