One More Casualty...

I'm running out of time. but that phrase has a lot of negative connotations, so let me rephrase that: my time is almost up. In a month, I finish my junior year. This next month alone could completely determine whether or not Macalester accepts my application when I apply for early decision. Am I scared? Absolutely. Do I think I will get in? Absolutely not. Will that stop me from trying my absolute fucking hardest in my academics and my outside-stuff? Absolutely not. The worst that can happen is that I don't get into Macalester and end up at Eugene Lang or some other place out east. And that's not so bad. If I don't like it, I'm confident I'll do well enough to transfer for my sophomore year.

I'm scared shitless. But I've never been happier. I've never been this emotionally secure, nor have I ever been surrounded by so many people that support me. I have a boyfriend who loves me very much and I love back equally. I have friends that I will never be able to repay. I have a father and a mother, both who have accepted me and loved me, regardless of my sexuality, which is something I always feared they never would. While I think he's kind of a nut for the latter part, it makes me really happy that he approves of Jon and will not stop asking questions.

But I can do it. I'm confident in myself. I'm not the same person that I was a year ago. Right now I'm listening to a song that was very dear to me a year ago. I was breaking, but it got my through. And it's so odd to hear the same song, and have it mean something so different.

I will do it.